The Three of Us 8: Two Chicks, One Dick and a Compelling Narrative

Kacey Lane and Alex Tanner have been vying for the attention of the same boy since late grade school, and on the occasion of their high school’s ten year reunion have returned from New York City, where they have both been working in the sex industry. Kacey is an off-Broadway streetwalker, and Alex a high-priced escort specializing in visiting Chechen mobsters; their dinner table argument over whose skills are better leads them to make a blunt proposition to Richard, who has always wanted to fuck both of them but has been trapped in the middle like Archie between Betty and Veronica. He seizes the opportunity to allow them to show him who sucks cock better, whose pussy is tighter, and who can multitask more effectively. There is no objective winner (except for Richard) but the three of them all vow to try again at the 20-year reunion. By then, though, Kacey will be a real estate agent, Alex will be in jail for securities fraud, and Richard, having dreamed of that one magical night for ten years, will show up to the reunion ready to relive the encounter only to realize that life can’t be planned that way.

Callie Calypso and Kaylee Haze are partners in a bookstore specializing in religious literature; a dispute has developed over whether the store will stock only works about major world religions (which is to say faiths with more than 250 million followers) or branch out into mysticism and the occult (Kaylee loves the iconography of the tarot and the narratives of the more obscure creation myths, but Callie wonders how the hell they’re going to sell that kind of thing in Kansas City). A catfight results in the two of them having torn each other’s clothes off, and we enter the scene just as animal lust overtakes them. They’re deep into each other, realizing that their differences are only skin deep, when Richard, a mutual Unitarian friend, comes in the room. He is naked because he thought they were on a road trip to buy books at a book fair in Seattle and he was supposed to house-sit, but that is next week; he was going to take a shower, but instead lies down on the bed where Callie and Kaylee can’t help but get on top of him, and they incorporate him into their lovemaking in a new spirit of inclusion. Kaylee spends a lot of sleepless nights afterward fretting about the dynamic between them, but it’s possible that being raised as Christians has given Richard and Callie an appreciation of the value and stability of a trinity, and they’re okay with it.

It’s Richard’s 35th birthday and his brother has hired Sammi Daniels and Macie Winslett to take his virgnity. Both of them are actually balloon artists, but Richard’s brother couldn’t find actual prostitutes in their small Massachusetts town, so he is paying them a great deal more than their usual fee to keep Richard busy (even in the notoriously licentious world of balloon artists, Sammi and Macie are notable for their debauchery, although you’d never know it from the scrupulously clean performances they put on at kids? birthday parties. Only their fellow performers know about their libertine tendencies). While the two of them kiss and caress each other and then spread themselves out for him on the bed, Richard watches in awe, believing that the candle he blew out on the cupcake he was handed earlier has made his lifelong wish of a threesome come true. Sammi and Macie do everything he asks of them and he finishes up in a sweaty fugue, unaware that elsewhere, his manipulative brother is attending the reading of their father’s will, which requires each of them to be there or lose his inheritance. His scheming leaves Richard penniless, but the balloon girls are so impressed with both his skills as a lover, even though he was a virgin, and his kind heart that they take him in and make him part of a brand new adult-themed act that redefines balloon artistry for a new generation.

Ardent lesbian Aly Monroe and her partner Naveen Ora, who is straight but so deeply in love with Aly that she has eschewed men for almost four years, have decided that they want to have a baby together; however, they can’t find a man in their hometown of Smolensk who is willing to cross Vladimir Putin’s newly drawn line in the sand regarding homosexuality to give them one the natural way, and supplies of donor sperm have been dangerously contaminated by sloppy procedure in the clinics and background radiation from power plant accidents. Their solution is to lure their coworker Richard back to his apartment on the pretext of having a threesome (not strictly forbidden under Putin’s harsh new edicts as long as both girls concentrate mainly on the man’s pleasure) and trick him into impregnating Naveen. There’s a little drama when it turns out that Naveen has been missing hetero action a little more than she realized, and Aly has to pretend to be really into Richard in order to keep everyone happy so Richard doesn’t realize what’s really going on, but she loves Naveen so much that even the onerous chore of sharing a cock with the woman she loves turns into a statement of her devotion. Everyone has a good time, especially Richard, but before Aly and Naveen can guide him to the ultimate fulfilment of their secret purpose, Richard comes in Naveen’s mouth during a blowjob; Naveen hastily hands the load off to Aly, who swallows resignedly, with a look on her face that says she knows she should have planned this better, and it’s all to do over again next time Naveen is ovulating.