Need Natural Boobs? Here’s 20 of Them

I remember when we went to the Valentine’s dance at the high school in the rich part of town. What was it about these girls that looked so different? Soon it became clear. Many had received boob jobs as Christmas presents. And they were so proud to show them off! With that little shift in my way of thinking boobs were like braces or earrings I stopped thinking of women with fake tits as vain (or, if I did, they were not vain because of the fake tits). This set me up well for my glorious career in pornography as well as for today’s retro niche: huge natural boobs, perfect tits, perky breasts that happen to have no saline or silicone in them are now the exception in porn rather than the norm, and people feel nostalgic for them in the same way they feel fondly about snapshots of the women that gave their granddads boners during the last century (we’re looking at you, the late Bettie Page and Maureen O’Hara). Here are 20 natural breasts on ten of our corn fed favorites.

2. Noelle Easton

At 21, Las Vegan Noelle Easton gives so few fucks it’s not surprising how great a fuck she is. Juicy and shameless, down for eating tacos and fucking married men she picks up at Home Depot (her twitter feed is hilarious), Easton has been in porn since she was 18 and has withstood the bonehead clamor to get her boobs done. Hold out, Noelle, and we’ll call you when we get married.

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3. Valentina Nappi

Remember your great uncle Ray that your family says never came back from the war? He actually died in his vineyard a few years ago, having met a local bombshell of a different kind while strolling through an Italian village, “Godfather”-style. Valentina Nappi is the type of throwback pinup, painted-on-the-nose-of-an-airplane siren whose memory won the war for the Allies. She’s incredibly smart and incredibly dirty, and her boobs are delicious.

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4. Gianna Michaels

We don’t need to tell you that 99 percent of what excites us about porn isn’t really sophisticated at all. It’s not like broccoli, which we learned to like over time as our tastes matured. Nope, the same things that appealed to you about your mom’s busty friend Mary when you were growing up also apply to your devotion to the stupendous Gianna Michaels: a of unrestrained, sloppy nature. Look at movies like “Gianna AKA Filthy Whore” to get the full measure of her awesome, swaying boobitude.

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5. Dillion Harper

Fresh-faced Dillion Harper has a Girl Next Door quality that is impossible to pull off in porn unless it’s in a performer’s very nature. Would she go all the way on prom night? Yes (and she probably wouldn’t wait until prom). Her perfect boobs aren’t big by porn standards, but Hey: they are perfect boobs.

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6. Carter Cruise

Carter Cruise is amiable and sporty, the type of person you’d hope might be the voice of reason in a sorority hazing. Because of this, we hope she does not heed the call of the Silicone Industrial Complex to alter her perfect tits to make them more porny. They’re fine, Carter!

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7. Abella Danger

Once, at a strip club, a dancer told me that she was “a very sexual person” and proceeded to give me the worst lap dance I’d ever received. I noticed after that that anyone who told me she gave great blowjobs or was also a very sexual person promised more than she delivered (and I know: this crime is perpetrated on women just as often if not more). Thus I am wary whenever anyone sings his or her own praises. So you’re gonna call yourself Abella Danger, huh? Well, you’d better prove how dangerous you are oh shit she totally, totally proves it.

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8. August Ames

Alone among the women in this group, August Ames has a predatory presence that seems All Business: no girlfriend hijinks or high school shenanigans this woman has a pole-dancing-toned body that is as taut as it is curvy. We get the feeling that, before she was August Ames, she would accidentally tear gentlemen’s club patrons’ heads off with her thighs before she knew her own awesome power. And I heard that somewhere in Maine her boobs actually killed a guy.

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9. Christy Marks

A performer in the Gianna Michaels vein, Christy Marks isn’t as well-known as the other women on this list but she is beloved of her fans, many of whom know the voluptuous MILF through her work with Florida’s Score Group. Because of her comparatively low exposure working mostly for a fringe label, Marks doesn’t have that thousand-yard stare of some performers, and we like to think that if we stop in at some hole-in-the-wall bar on the border of the Everglades we might just find Marks in her denim cutoffs, just waiting to boob-slap an alligator to death.

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10. Cassidy Banks

The gorgeous multi-ethnic Cassidy Banks has this look about her that might result in maxed-out credit cards and wrecked rental cars but it would be worth it. She likes to hold her own heavy breasts when she performs, and who could blame her?

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