I Wish: Five Porn Stars Who’d Make Great Girlfriends
You think a lot about how much fun it would be to fuck the porn stars you while away your time watching – which is the whole point of porn – but how often do you think about what it would be like to date one? And I don’t mean take out for dinner one time as an exploratory experiment – I mean what would it be like to have one as a girlfriend? Well, in spite of twenty years in one aspect or another of the porn industry, I have to say i can’t answer that question. But I can speculate, based on zero evidence, a lot of wishful thinking, and plenty of outrageous extrapolation.
1. Penny Flame
I’ve seen Penny Flame in sweat pants and no makeup, sitting in a lawn chair waiting for the rest of the crew to catch up with her, and based on that one experience, I can say I’d shack up with her in a second. Never mind anything else – she seems like the kind of girl who’s openminded, fun and relaxed, like she’d be down for an evening at home watching the game or ordering a pizza. She might flash the delivery guy, but I’m okay with that. She also seems like the kind of girl who would say “Fuck Valentine’s Day, I don’t care about that shit,” and mean it.
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2. Kimberly Kane
Kimberly Kane is pretty smart, and that’s a big deal. I’m not saying most porn stars aren’t, but Kimberly doesn’t feel like she’s got to talk about how smart she is all the goddamn time – she’s okay with just being smart and letting everyone else deal with that. She directs and comes up with cool ideas, and she looks just as hot with no makeup on as she does without. She’s not one of those girls you can’t recognize without the paint job.
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3. Allison Moore
Allison Moore seems about as sweet as a girl can be, and she’s built like something your grandfather would describe in architectural terms. Nowadays we just say curvy, but Allison’s body wouldn’t be out of place on the nose of a Flying Fortress in World War II. Plus, the first movie I ever saw her in was The Lesbian Cooking Show, in which she and the equally juicy Jessica Ryan made apple dumplings while eating each other. If my girlfriend is going to bring friends over to cook, that’s how I’d like it to play out.
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4. Joanna Angel
Joanna Angel is, hands down, the funniest woman in porn, and if a sense of humor is as important to you as it is to me, there’s no other choice for best girlfriend in porn. I know she’s head-over-heels in love with Small Hands, and I would never even think of trying to break up a couple as well-suited as those two, but if she needed a west-coast boyfriend I’d fight my way to the front of the line like the Holy Grail was up there.
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5. Anastasia Pierce
Anastasia Pierce is almost six feet tall, she loves putting on costumes to turn people on, and she seems like hse has a hell of an imagination. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, but I am choosing to believe she uses her creativity in the cause of righteousness and truth, instead of crazy stalkery weirdness. Also, the gorgeously lanky Anastasia has performed in well over three hundred and fifty movies, but I’ve never seen her with a man; I choose, therefore, to believe she’s a virgin (shut up; I can think whatever I like), but still very experienced. It’s very flattering to know she’s been saving herself for me all this time.
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