‘Naughty 3 Somes 12’: Downright Dirty
3.5 Stars
It’s kind of delightful to hear anything (especially a threesome) in the modern world of porn described as naughty, as opposed to depraved, or filthy or perverted, or whatever adjective the producers think is going to make their movie stand out most in the roiling sea of hyperbole that represents smut these days. Naughty is such a quaint word, hinting at a playfully childish innocence that makes you think of schoolboys, maybe tying tin cans to cats’ tails. Do not make the mistake, however, of thinking that Naughty 3 Somes 12 is in any way quaint or innocent. It is as dirty as anything you’ll run across in mainstream porn and more dirty than a lot of it. Naughty, in the schoolboy context, rarely includes foot-fucking, strapons, anal, and facials.
Naughty 3 Somes 12 is a festival of two-girl-one-guy threeways, starring a threesome United Nations of hot girls, a surprising number of whom are from Western rather than Eastern Europe. It is usually the custom in these unregulated fuckfests for almost all the girls to be from the former Warsaw Pact, but three of the girls in this one aren’t: Alexa Tomas, Angell Summers, and Chessie Kay, from Spain, France, and England respectively. For the rest, we have Hungarians Abbie Cat and Felicia Kiss, Russians Kendra Star, Kira Queen, and Kitana Lure, Romanian Aylin Diamond, and Czech Kathia Nobili.
I’m going to be honest with you here: Explicit Empire chose not to indicate in any way which of these women is in which threesome (or to identify any of the men, for that matter), and I just don’t have the willpower to go through and match up the names to the tattoos, piercings, and tits. I can tell you that Chessie Kay is in the first scene, because the blonde in it has an English accent, and I’m pretty sure the other one is Kendra Star, because the guy in the scene calls the brunette something that sounds like Kendra. That first scene goes on for nearly an hour of the movie’s 2.24 running time. It’s an intense scene, with Kendra being dominant and fucking Chessie with a strapon, taking cock in her ass while 69ing with Chessie; there’s also ATM and plenty of cocksucking, all finishing up with a cumshot on Kendra’s ass and some rimming from Chessie. As to the rest of the stars, I’m going to let you work out who’s who on your own: call it compensation for the lack of subtlety and nuance elsewhere in the movie.
Two of the Commies are drinking at a home bar and checking their watches because Chucky, or maybe Jackie or Shecky, is taking so long to get dressed. “What fucking you doing?” inquires the brunette of their dilatory date; “Oh, my God, it takes longer than with girl!” concurs the redhead, and they both know there’s no point even going to the party an hour and a half late. Fortunately, there’s a solution — if they can’t go to party, make party here! Chucky has a hardon, and he isn’t especially wedded to using it in any given place. He can’t go until he comes, and after twenty minutes of cocksucking in various positions, he does, all over the brunette?s face.
Two brunettes spy — through a window that is somehow, inexplicably, set in a floor — a guy with his dick out, and sneak down to wake him up by playing with it, resulting in another scene that consists solely of a long series of blowjob evolutions and a facial. Next, two blondes who are already involved in some pretty intimate activity are joined by a guy who at first seems mostly interested in feet but warms up to the idea of some penis-based threesome activity when he realizes he can use his dick on both sets of feet if he does a little fucking first; he has six holes available to him and still chooses to use the insoles to get off, but to be fair, the girls both seem to be on board with the footwork as well. And finally, two brunettes go for the foot action as well, with guy whose tastes are decidedly more podiatrically oriented than you’d have expected from a threesome title.
